There is an interview process for the doggie day care in Sausalito. Our dog, Cassidy, is having a little separation anxiety in the new place, and every time we come home we find tell tale although subtle signs of his behavior while we were out. Dr. Seuss must have had a fear aggressive, paranoid, insecure dog in mind when he wrote the Cat in the Hat (or maybe a cat). Yesterday we came home and everything looked normal except the heater floor vent was turned upside down. Today, after a trip to the farmer’s market we returned to find some pillows rearranged and electric wires in his water dish (fortunately they were not connected to anything).

There is no way Tony and I are going to put Cassidy through the interview process. Imagine the questions they might ask:

1. Have you ever broken your master’s finger?

2. Have you ever locked your master out of the house?

3. Have you ever been responsible for breaking a pipe in your master’s brother-in-law’s backyard?

4. Punctured a screen in your master’s sister’s guest room?

5. A friendly, former hippie in a tie-dye shirt sporting a black and white photo of Edgar Winter, approaches you on his way to the Sausalito Art Fair (listening to the “World Classic Rockers” singing “Freebird” down below at the festival as I write), and says with the tender voice of a true dog lover, “My best friend for 15 years was a dog that looked just like you.” Do you:
a. Wag your tail and lick his hand.
b. Ignore him and hope he goes away.
c. Wait until he is just within reach, then lunge forward barking ferociously, scaring him to death, and taking your master’s arm with you.
d. Mess with your master with those big puppy dog eyes, “Who me? I’m not going to eat the guy.”

6. Have you ever punctured a small dog?

Tony answers for Cassidy, “That depends on your definition of dog.”